The Power Of Direct Expression

Sometimes there comes a point when deep reflection happens and you realize there is a world of things you could have done differently or perhaps not at all.  While you certainly can’t change the past or who you were yesterday, you can look for ways to self improve. I have been passive for a huge chunk of my life. I’ve been in situations where “friends” laughed at how I spoke or how I dressed. Shooting my confidence down at a very young age. To this day it’s still a force of habit that I need to check now and again.

“You might not know you are harboring

some pretty unhealthy feelings”

Being a passive person can be one of the most self-destructive traits one can have. It is this very leaky substance that spills on to everything in every way. From family to friends down to your colleagues. The worst part? You might not know you are harboring some pretty unhealthy feelings, until one day that leaky substance becomes a tsunami of bottled emotions. How do I know? I have too many stories to count where I have complete and total (wtf is wrong you?) meltdowns. For the longest time I could not say no or tell someone I do not agree with them, or that’s simply not OK.  I was a slave to the people-pleasing syndrome.

I had allowed wallows of resentment to fester with multiple people in my life over a course of time. To be transparent had I been honest with not only them but more importantly myself… I could have saved a lot of the relationships I’ve lost. I also had trouble accepting responsibility for my outcomes and what I allowed to happen to me but that’s a different post for a different day. I was the queen of ghosts. More often than not if I didn’t like something that was said or done to me, my go-to was to distance myself. Seriously, typically leaving people very confused as to why they haven’t heard from me or my demeanor seemed cold or flaky. When I  finally became tired of being so reactive vs proactive in my life, it set off a new wave of onset honesty.

“When you effectively communicate, you’re letting the other party know where you stand”

By nature I’m awkward. I mean awkward. I sweat just to order take out. Let me just say I’m no socialite now either. However, communication is something that has grown to be my first step in combating housing unwanted feelings. Also, it sets off a course of action. When you effectively communicate, you’re letting the other party know where you stand. It took me a long time to realize that yes some people will do things you don’t like intentionally or have little regard for you. On the other hand, some very decent people have no idea that they have offended you. Tell them. This doesn’t have to come in the form of a rant either or this overly dramatic scene. Just asserting your boundaries of how you would like to be treated. Translation: respect me.

I can give you a slew of scenarios where I should and could have stood up for myself. Or at the very minimum let it be known I was the opposing party. I didn’t. When I sat down to write this I thought I would have this great story to drive my point. I don’t.  Why? Because I just wanted something different for myself. Allowing anyone to do and say what they wanted to me, inadvertently made me an extremely toxic person. I was always a victim, constantly carrying the cement weight of pity. I was heavy, to the point those who I (at the time) felt were responsible for who I’ve become, couldn’t deal with this side of me. They left. Ballooned with pent up anger at the events around me. I often took it out on the wrong people. People who love me very much.

“No one was responsible for the fact I didn’t set boundaries”

No one was responsible for the fact I didn’t set boundaries. I did not communicate when something was too much or too little. Even those who left, it wasn’t their fault. These were relationships that grew in the way they were planted. I took accountability for all the times I failed to assert my power. My life now is in a much better place. Those who took advantage of my passive ways are no longer around. I started to surround myself with individuals who not only heard when I spoke, they respected my views and wishes. This put me on the road to the person I knew I could and always wanted to be.

5 Tips Of Adulting… For The Late Bloomer.

Some of you at the age of 30 are already settled into that career you dreamed of. work in the field you went to school for. Some of you have tied the knot and bought that dream house. You probably started a family. Good for you. Kudos. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. However, ladies and gents I was not that individual. I mean, I had a hard time deciding if my toddler and I was going to have tacos or cereal for dinner. I am a busy mom of one, with a gazillion things on my plate. When it comes to adulthood some days I feel like I got this! Other days I peek under the bed to make sure I’m not being punk’d.

The last few years have definitely been whipping me into shape. Especially after the birth of my son. I feel like everything from that point on was a true test of maturity and growth. More importantly a test of faith. Here are five major tips that has certainly been a clutch in my life thus far:

Planning.

While this does sound a little cliche, planning is one of the biggest tools. For me, I broke it down in short term goals, nothing more than two goals per week. I made them short and sweet. By doing it this way, it made them less daunting, but it also gave me a better perspective of the direction for which I wanted to go.

Budgeting.

Do not let anyone and/or anything come between you and the “bag”! So we all been there, that begging boyfriend/girlfriend,family member or friend. Sometimes, they aren’t in need they are just opportunists. How does that affect your budget? Put it this way if you bought your friend a $5 dollar cup of coffee A day you have literally have spent nearly $2,000 dollars in one year…Yikes. Now, I am not saying to become cheap or a crappy friend. What I am saying is begin to short change all unnecessary or impulsive spending.

Saving.

So, I never thought I would be remotely qualified to speak on such a subject… let alone write about it! There is no fancy step in this. For me, when I began my saving journey (yes I called it a journey) I started very small. I mean Tiny. Maybe $5-$20 dollars per paycheck. To my surprise, it adds up! Who knew? Beforehand, I had a terrible mindset, that if the money is there… It’s meant to be spent. This couldn’t be further from the truth. However, in the art of spending; you don’t realize until your account is on E. So, whenever I got paid I would put a portion away each time. My personal favorite number is 10. $10 dollars every week. While that number seems low… in one year that is still a 500 dollar save.

Cut Ties That Are Too Heavy.

Yes. As selfish as this may seem, cut off any relationships that may bring you down. While no two people are the same and everyone certainly have a struggle point; reevaluate your circle. What are their habits? How do they affect you? In other words, if you have people or elements that cloud your mental health or progression. For me, mental health is one of the most important things to me because I first hand know how fragile it is.

Take your time.

So I say this to you my fellow millennials, take your time. Please do not compare yourself to other individuals with different lifestyles. I use the word different because no life is better or more valuable than your own. You will get there, whatever your dreams… you will reach them. You have to be truthful of who you are and what you stand for. Life will throw many things your way… With more to come. Always and I mean always be honest with yourself and what you are feeling. Truly deal with those feelings. This will allow you to focus on and navigate toward your goals with fresh eyes. Trust the process.

The Lazy Millennial

 

I stared at my boss as he ranted about a task, that wasn’t to his liking, yet again. I realized I hated my job. I hated the hours I worked, I hated the direction the company had taken because it was no longer for the employee but for the financial gain. More importantly, I had to come to terms that I hated my boss. Ok, hate is a strong word for a human being so I’ll go with strongly dislike. I extremely disliked my boss. He was selfish in his leadership and only worked the bare minimum to cover him. While all that might have been true I couldn’t help but ask myself this question:

Am I doing enough? A question we have all asked ourselves at one point or another. For me, I knew to work for someone to dictate, when I eat and when I can go to the bathroom and how much time I’m allowed with my son… didn’t sit well with me. I knew I wanted to do something, I knew I didn’t want to just sit home I wanted to get out there! But to where? So far I’ve been a baker, an online seller,  try to be a YouTuber(still learning on how to work my camera), an online dropshipper all within a four-year span. With the way my life is set up, I always want results.fast. My sister has supported every venture my brain decides (I love her) I know she supports me because she wants to see me happy and I truly appreciate that. However, she does make it a point that I need to stick to one thing. I want to! If only I knew what that one thing was……ugh.

I was lazy. I had let life happen to me. I never went for anything I wanted in fear of failing and somehow I convinced myself, I was safer with feet on the ground. Just as quickly those thoughts came to me I realized that this wasn’t something that happens overnight. How long was I like this? How do I change It? It was definitely a process I never did before. I had to lay my life out and be brutally honest with the individual in the mirror. I began to make decisions to help my process of growth. Meaning I cut toxic ties and let all the negative energy go.

It dawned on me that I housed a lot of things that didn’t fit neatly into my vision. At some point, these things weigh you down and change you without your permission. It just happens and you’re left wondering where did time go? As depressing as this may seem; for me, this was my most liberating moment ever! It was liberating because now I knew what needed to be done. More importantly, I knew I had the power and the drive to make the necessary changes for myself. Self-discovery and finding your purpose is never a journey too late to start. There is no right or wrong answer for what works in your life. It took me a long time to not only understand this but to accept it as well. What was your revelation today?

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