10 Signs your Friendship has been Canceled.

The definition of many things has changed in the millennial generation. Phone calls are a thing of the past, food is a few clicks away, and finding love is as simple as downloading the latest app. What hasn’t changed? Friendships. While people think romantic relationships are the hardest to leave… Friendships can be just as complicated. It’s one of the few relations you form organically and genuinely. While some bonds are strong enough to go through the growing pains of becoming, and sometimes being an adult; others will prove to be less resilient. Here are some signs that may indicate your friendship has run its course.

1. You’re out of the loop.

This typically isn’t something you will notice offhand. However, over a course of time, you will notice that you know very little about what’s going on in your friend’s life. Social media seems to be the way you find out anything these days.

2. Empty hang-out dates.

What once would be a day or night you looked forward to, is instead, met with a unexpected excuse of why they can not make it. Seeing each other used to be done with little or short notice (“What are doing? Let’s grab Lunch!”)  to (“Awww I work that day, sorry”).

3. You don’t fit in with their friends.

We all know, as you get older and becoming the person you want to be, things change. A lot. If you find that you no longer fit into your buddy’s settings anymore, and you tend to feel awkward around the new friends they have acquired. It might be a clear indication your friendship is soon to be discontinued.

4. You have different views.

Having different views or values in a lot of relationships tends to strengthen the bond between people. While that might be true, there is such a thing of being too different. If you find yourself holding in your opinions more than usual, in fear of upsetting the other party… then maybe its time to re-evaluate your compatibility.

5. Cheerleading is dead.

You showed up to that launch party. You congratulated them on that promotion. When it comes to you and your accomplishments and dreams, the support is well… dead. Support and routing your friend on to success is a crucial part of any friendship. If you find yourself constantly the only one cheering, then maybe its time to call it quits.

6. They don’t reach out.

It has been weeks maybe months since you have heard from your beloved friend. You seem to be the one reaching out all of the time.When you do get a response, it tends to turn into a Q & A session rather than an engaging conversation. They seem less than enthused to hear from you.

7. You are into different things.

They like to party and the latest gossip. You like great cups of coffee and deep conversation. There was something that bought you two together at one point, just what the hell was it? Sometimes, when false, misfitting connections are born, this becomes an apparent issue later in the friendship. 

8. No future.

As you move up in the world, You begin to envision all the people you know will be there. Or so you thought. You might wish this wasn’t the case. Often, this isn’t done intentionally. With all the possible disconnects that you and your friend might be sharing this just start to happen naturally.

9. You’re unsure if you are friends.

Much like a relationship, there can be a million indications, and still, you will be unclear where you stand. If you feel like you need to question whether or not that your friendship is still intact, then maybe your friendship is over.

10. It simply just doesn’t feel right.

With all your efforts (vice versa), it just feels forced. Cornering someone into being your friend isn’t fair for you or them and creates awkward situations. If the pieces don’t fit… don’t make them.

It took me a long time to identify when someone didn’t want to be bothered. What I also learned is, that doesn’t make them bad people. It is easier to avoid people rather than tell them the truth. Sometimes, people just grow in different directions. The healthier step is to just let the friendship go before deeper, more hurtful feelings are created. If this is something that you are experiencing, try not to view it as rejection. Instead, try to take happy memories with you. In the art of letting go, it doesn’t always have to end with hostility. It is a very unique step to grow. With that being said, wish them well. For you, these moments will only make you stronger, wiser and a better version of you than before.

The Power Of Direct Expression

Sometimes there comes a point when deep reflection happens and you realize there is a world of things you could have done differently or perhaps not at all.  While you certainly can’t change the past or who you were yesterday, you can look for ways to self improve. I have been passive for a huge chunk of my life. I’ve been in situations where “friends” laughed at how I spoke or how I dressed. Shooting my confidence down at a very young age. To this day it’s still a force of habit that I need to check now and again.

“You might not know you are harboring

some pretty unhealthy feelings”

Being a passive person can be one of the most self-destructive traits one can have. It is this very leaky substance that spills on to everything in every way. From family to friends down to your colleagues. The worst part? You might not know you are harboring some pretty unhealthy feelings, until one day that leaky substance becomes a tsunami of bottled emotions. How do I know? I have too many stories to count where I have complete and total (wtf is wrong you?) meltdowns. For the longest time I could not say no or tell someone I do not agree with them, or that’s simply not OK.  I was a slave to the people-pleasing syndrome.

I had allowed wallows of resentment to fester with multiple people in my life over a course of time. To be transparent had I been honest with not only them but more importantly myself… I could have saved a lot of the relationships I’ve lost. I also had trouble accepting responsibility for my outcomes and what I allowed to happen to me but that’s a different post for a different day. I was the queen of ghosts. More often than not if I didn’t like something that was said or done to me, my go-to was to distance myself. Seriously, typically leaving people very confused as to why they haven’t heard from me or my demeanor seemed cold or flaky. When I  finally became tired of being so reactive vs proactive in my life, it set off a new wave of onset honesty.

“When you effectively communicate, you’re letting the other party know where you stand”

By nature I’m awkward. I mean awkward. I sweat just to order take out. Let me just say I’m no socialite now either. However, communication is something that has grown to be my first step in combating housing unwanted feelings. Also, it sets off a course of action. When you effectively communicate, you’re letting the other party know where you stand. It took me a long time to realize that yes some people will do things you don’t like intentionally or have little regard for you. On the other hand, some very decent people have no idea that they have offended you. Tell them. This doesn’t have to come in the form of a rant either or this overly dramatic scene. Just asserting your boundaries of how you would like to be treated. Translation: respect me.

I can give you a slew of scenarios where I should and could have stood up for myself. Or at the very minimum let it be known I was the opposing party. I didn’t. When I sat down to write this I thought I would have this great story to drive my point. I don’t.  Why? Because I just wanted something different for myself. Allowing anyone to do and say what they wanted to me, inadvertently made me an extremely toxic person. I was always a victim, constantly carrying the cement weight of pity. I was heavy, to the point those who I (at the time) felt were responsible for who I’ve become, couldn’t deal with this side of me. They left. Ballooned with pent up anger at the events around me. I often took it out on the wrong people. People who love me very much.

“No one was responsible for the fact I didn’t set boundaries”

No one was responsible for the fact I didn’t set boundaries. I did not communicate when something was too much or too little. Even those who left, it wasn’t their fault. These were relationships that grew in the way they were planted. I took accountability for all the times I failed to assert my power. My life now is in a much better place. Those who took advantage of my passive ways are no longer around. I started to surround myself with individuals who not only heard when I spoke, they respected my views and wishes. This put me on the road to the person I knew I could and always wanted to be.

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